Thursday, November 4, 2010

A tiring but amazing time in life.....

Big changes for our family of three - we moved into our new apartment three weeks ago and LOVING it!!!! Kiddos are sharing a room and that's working out incredibly well, its a nice size for the three of us and best of all our upstairs neighbors are nice and quiet - met one the other day, very cute fella.

Other big and amazing news - I'm now a full-time working Mom!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep I was offered a great job with a great company, I'm working in the accounts receivable department for a major company!! The hours couldn't be better - 8am - 4:30pm Monday thru Friday. I drop the girls at school at 7:30am and then drive 20 minutes to work, they're staying at school for after school and I'm back to pick them up at 4:50pm. I started last Monday and its going really well, I am starting to get to know people and the girls have transitioned very nicely into a new routine. I've actually worked three days of overtime which they're not fond of but gotta be done.

Unfortunately support from my soon to be ex was cut by $1000.00 this month, he said he was paying too much (3/5 of gross pay and housing is what the military recommends and that's what we agreed on). Anyway his bills are too much and so he changed his allotment for me. Not unexpected since he complained about the amount but luckily I was smart enough to have him sign a notarized document saying he agreed to pay x amount until legal proceedings can begin. My lawyer went to court on Tuesday so the amount should be put back to our agreed figured before the next payment is due. In the meantime I'll be working overtime to make up the shortfall. I'm incredibly blessed to have two amazing parents who are helping with pick ups from school and then feeding the kiddos dinner.

Tomorrow is a big day for our family - my baby is turning 6 years old!!!!!!!!!!! Time has just flown by!! She's told everyone she sees that Friday is her birthday, her teacher actually sent me a note inquiring about cupcakes because J has mentioned Mommy was bringing in cupcakes to share with her class. I am but it was funny she's told Mrs. K that many times. We're going to have new friends over and then walking down to an infamous pizza place for dinner and then back to our apartment for cake, ice cream and gifts.

Time to get things done, being a working Mom is tiring and I've still got a million things to do before I can relax!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I can't believe I haven't blogged since the end of July but then again the last few weeks have been CRAZY for my new family of three. Kiddos and I packed up our lives once again and have ventured north to Rhode Island, we've been living my parents for the past month which has gone surprisingly well. Actually my parents and I get along really well so I had no worries there but they've been child-free for the past five years or so and to be living with a 5 and 9 year old was going to be a transition. I've gotten over my need to do everything for the girls because physically that's not possible as a single mom, I've learned to accept the help from my parents and am grateful to them.

I will be honest this hasn't been the easiest transition though - we've gone from living a suburban lifestyle with lots of grass and trees and we are now city residents. I drove past the girls school and just sobbed but have learned not to judge a book by its cover, the outside leaves something to be desired but the administration and staff are incredible. The girls both are really enjoying school, the older one especially - the younger one has gone from 3 day a week preschool for 3 hours a day to full day kindergarten. I had an idea in my head of what our new apartment would look like and the first place I saw was just awful. Thankfully I have found the perfect place - its two bedrooms, nice size kitchen, large pantry, dining room, living room and bathroom. Its on the first floor of a three floor home and the upstairs neighbor lives half his time in NYC so that's great. The third floor is empty and its in a good area - no outside area for the kids but they're enrolled in soccer and girl scouts so I'm keeping them busy. We will be moving in on October 15th and can't wait!!!!!

I will try to post more often and update our lives but between the job search and taking care of the kids my computer time is limited.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I was online just a few minutes ago and got a message through facebook for a friend request. I have no idea who this person is so I politely declined, I'm only friends with people on facebook that I actually consider friends not just anyone and everyone. Anyway I received a message from this person asking if I was related to and if I was then they had some information they wanted to share, confidentially. My first instinct was to just ignore it but I did that last week when I got the same message but decided to go ahead and respond and see what they have to say. Why am I blogging about this??? Because honestly I'm a bit scared - I don't know if I really want to read what this person has to say. I am still at a loss as to why my marriage is over and I want answers but I don't know if answers are really going to help. My marriage is done and we're moving on, literally. Legally nothing has been done but mentally I'm done, I can't be with someone who says they don't love me, that's not fair to me. My stomach is in knots right now and I just had to blog.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Our family is being tested lately, not sure why so much pain is being inflicted on us but its just becoming overwhelming. I don't want to go into details but our family recently learned something that had been kept a secret for the past 7 months - it has caused alot of confusion, heartbreak, sadness, shock, anger and hurt. As I said I don't want to go into details but I do ask for your prayers as our entire family is going through this.

Personally this weekend I have been tested and shown what happens in a divorce, my two kiddos spent a weekend away with their father and his family. This was the first time my kiddos have spent away for more then one night with anyone other then myself or my Mom so it was alot of just letting go. Thankfully they seemed to have had a good time, I have done alot of biting my tongue - when I get phone calls at 11pm and the kiddos are still awake and about to eat doughnuts at the doughnut store. Also when they called and said they didn't end up leaving to come home until 1:30pm versus the 11am departure time I had been told. Normally I am not the type of person who bites their tongue but I am learning that needs to be done to keep things civil. As bad as this is going to sound I am relieved we will be moving up to Rhode Island in a few weeks, I am so angry at my husband right now that just the sound of his voice irritates me. I know anger is one of the many things I will be feeling and I think distance is going to hopefully work for us, he will realize the mistakes he has made and I hope will appreciate all that the girls and I have sacrificed for him.

In the meantime I have a ton of things to organize and plan - the packing alone is just overwhelming, we aren't taking everything but man what we are taking seems like alot. I have found a storage unit and will be working on getting everything boxed up and ready to take over. I have quite a few things I need to list on craigslist - TV, beds, dressers and a few other things. Basically I'm going to be moving almost everything from the kitchen, toys, books, clothes, Christmas decor, dining table and other personal items north.

Time to go enjoy my last bit of time without the kids, I'm hitting up the grocery store alone - a rare and exciting adventure.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

New blog title, new start and a new life......

As you can tell I've changed my blog title to 'Starting over is a scary thing.....'. In a sense my life is beginning again - I'm getting divorced. I don't know if that's even the right way of saying it but if you happen to have the divorce manual pass it along. Not even sure where to start so lets go back....

Two years ago my husband was deployed to Afghanistan and when he came back in December 2008 things felt different, it was great having him home but things were just a bit off. He went back on the ship where he was stationed and spent the next year or so in and out of port on a regular basis, he was actually out to sea more then he was at home. When he received orders for Jacksonville, Florida I was beyond excited we could finally be a family again with no nights where he worked, no more sea trials/runs and we would have more of a "normal" life. He'd be home each night for dinner, Friday would be a half day and weekends were ours again. He moved down to Florida in March while I stayed in Virginia with the girls so they could finish out the school year, he called each night and came home twice in three months. Finally at the end of May he was back and we began our trip south. We attended my sisters wedding and then went on a family vacation through the mountains of Virginia/North Carolina which was alot of fun. My husband though was acting really weird - it didn't seem like he was having fun and whenever I asked what was wrong he said nothing that he was just concentrating on driving. Finally after four days of this I said I wanted to see a counselor in Florida, he had been acting distant and uninvolved and I wanted things to get back on track but he refused. I talked with my sister and she said it was just stress from the move, family vacation and settling back into being a family again.

We got all settled down here in Florida and his birthday rolled around, he wanted to get a flat screen TV for the master bedroom but we had just gotten a 42" TV for the living room and I said we should wait - there was no need for two brand new TVs. I gave him $200.00 in a birthday card and said he could couple that with whatever he saved or got from his family. I could tell he was ticked but honestly didn't care because the logic behind getting a second brand new TV wasn't smart. He came home Tuesday after work and I asked what was wrong again and he said honestly he was done. He was done with this marriage, he didn't want to go to counseling his parents tried counseling and things got worse between them, he didn't love me anymore in that way but would always love me as the mother of his children. I was in shock - seriously he was saying this 10 days after we moved 600 miles. I begged and pleaded for him to give this another chance, if he wanted to get the damn TV then to get it - that seems so silly now but I really didn't want my marriage to be over. I immediately called my sister and just laid it all out for her, I was sobbing, scared, sick to my stomach and just lost. I called my Mom and did the same thing to her - both just listened and let me repeat myself a thousand times. Hubby took the kiddos to the pool while I was on the phone and when he got home things were very awkward, we didn't really talk about anything that happened and that night he slept on the couch. I of course didn't sleep because I was in shock with what was happening.

The next day, Wednesday, after the girls and I got home from the library he and the oldest went out to the car dealership to look for cars. In May hubby was hit by another driver and his car was a total loss so we had been sharing a car for a week or so, he had the car 9 out of the 10 days that we had been sharing but had been looking around for new cars. Again I didn't think buying a new car was smart - I really wanted us to share for the summer, save money and then in September we could pay cash for a used car. Anyway my oldest called around 7pm and said that Daddy had gotten a new car and it was one without a lid (convertible). I lost it, I had said that if he bought a car he needed to understand this was over - I was against financing a car and that would be the straw that broke. I called my Dad and just kept saying I can't do this, I can't do this. Again my Dad was amazing, he just listened and offered support. I was in a daze that night, it was a real out of body experience - this wasn't my life and nothing made sense.

Thursday I was still in a daze but it was starting to sink in a bit.

Friday I was angry.

Why did he move us just to tell me he wanted a divorce?? Was there someone else? Why had he not said anything about being unhappy for the past two years? Why wasn't he willing to fight to keep our marriage together? How could he end this so quickly? Did the past years not mean anything??? I haven't gotten answers to most of those questions - I do believe here is/was someone else, 70+ phone calls to someone in a month, my sister called the number but I haven't and doubt I ever will.

Where does that leave us?? My Mom ended up coming down, she had planned to come down to see the new house and help decorate but ended up arriving a few days early and helped me to sort things out legally and financially.

I have decided the girls and I will be moving up to Rhode Island where my parents live, the plan is to live with them for a while as I figure out my life. I haven't worked in 5 years and have only taken college classes that interest me versus worked towards a degree. Believe it or not I'm actually okay with what's happening, I was very scared at first but that was more because I have relied on my husband in terms of financial support and I have two children, no income and no work history - I have been a homemaker which we agreed would be my occupation and I was/am scared. Our marriage wasn't great and we had our moments but I certainly never ever guessed we would be divorcing. I feel like a failure, I am scared of what's to come, I am worried about how my children will handle all that's to come, I am embarrassed to be 32 and moving back in with my parents (albeit temporarily) with two children.

So many emotions going on right now but I know that no matter what happens I have the best support systems - my parents, sisters, brothers and friends have been amazing.

Monday, May 17, 2010

For today, Monday May 17, 2010

Outside my window… rain is falling, usually I love the rain but our neighborhood tends to flood so I stress about that.

I am thinking… about all of the things that we've got going on in the next 2 and 3 weeks, lots of changes for our little family and I'm excited about that.

I am thankful for… friends who are there when you need them.

From the kitchen… well we just had dinner, spaghetti so right now nothing but I have butter softening for oatmeal cookies I plan to make in the morning.

I am wearing… sweatpants and a t-shirt but am going to get into pajamas in a few minutes.

I am creating… quite a few lists, I love making lists and have at least three going right now.

I am going… shopping on Wednesday, I'm in desperate need of summer clothes.

I am reading… 'Breaking Dawn' the final book of the Twilight series, I've actually never finished the book - I get 3/4 of the way done and stop because I don't want the series to end!!!

I am hoping… our street doesn't flood tonight but will be putting the car on the island just in case.

I am hearing… the dishwasher running.

Around the house… the day is winding down, kiddos are about to take a bath and begin getting ready for bed.

One of my favorite things… is my alone time at night - some days its what gets me through.

A few plans for the rest of the week.. cleaning out the bedrooms and organizing clothes for our vacation.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing… I am actually sharing 2, the kids ran in the Armed Forces Kids Run on Friday and I want to share photos of each as they crossed the finish line. It was a very warm day as you can tell by the color of M's face, she was worn out!!!

M - 2 mile runner

J - 1/2 mile runner

Friday, May 14, 2010

Staying busy....

Its now only 10 days before the movers will be arriving so I've been staying very busy with cleaning and organizing. My hubby jokes that I'll be planning my own funeral eventually because I always plan EVERYTHING!!! I'm trying to make this move the least stressful that I can make it (is that even possible????) so I've got lists going, a time line on what to clean etc. With the moving out at the beginning of the week, sisters wedding at the end of the week and then a family vacation immediately after the wedding we've got ALOT going on!!! Thankfully I've gotten my bridesmaids dress already at the seamstresses, both girls have outfits picked out for the rehearsal and wedding, my gift for the wedding has been purchased and I've got a plan for everything else. Does anyone else plan or obsess over things nearly as much as I do?????

This weekend should be a good one - the little one has t-ball photos at 8am on Saturday UGH!!! and then immediately after a t-ball game. She's got a birthday party right after her game and then we have plans to go to the beach if the weather is nice. Sunday we are also planning on going to the beach - I desperately need some colors on my shoulders, got a nice farmers tan going right now.

The kiddos participated in a run at the local base, M ran 2 miles and J ran 1/2 mile - I am so proud of them!! I took a ton of photos and was busy cheering them on. M and I have found a ton of races down in Florida so we'll be out there together in just a few weeks. I have (stupidly???) signed for the Army 10 miler up in DC in the middle of October so I really need to get back out there wogging (running/walking).

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Its almost the perfect start to the weekend.....

This past week has been a bit trying, the oldest kiddo is having a rough time at school which makes me sad - no parent wants to hear their child say that they hate school and never want to go back. Thankfully I was able to meet with the teacher and Friday was a good day so the week ended on a positive note. Yesterday was a close friends birthday so we had a small party here - it was a tapas night which means we had lots of appetizers versus a big dinner. Things didn't wrap up until after 9pm and the kiddos weren't in bed and asleep until after 10pm, thank goodness we were able to sleep in this morning, I slept until 8:45am which almost never happens so I was very happy.

Today we've kept very busy - youngest had a tball game which was alot of fun, then I took the girls to see High School Musical at a local high school - we've seen the three movies too many times to count. We went to see Cinderella a few weeks ago at a different high school and the girls loved it, they love musical theater and it is a great way to spend a weekend afternoon. I then took the kids to Chick-fil-a so we could all get milkshakes - yummy. I say it was almost the perfect start to the weekend only because hubby isn't here to hang out with. We're in countdown mode to moving - less then a month to go, we're excited and nervous. There is alot to do in the next few weeks and with my sisters wedding the day after we turn over housing I'm jut a bit stressed. I just keep telling myself in 4 weeks we'll be heading on our family vacation and heading to our new home.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Changes in life........

In just a few short weeks we will be moving to Florida, hubby is active duty military and the military says its time to relocate!!! I'm excited, nervous, anxious, sad, optimistic and heartbroken all at the same time - we have lived in the Virginia area for the past 11 years moving 5 different times within the state but never out of state. Between DC and Hampton Roads we've gotten into a moving rut, with this next assignment we thought things would be no different - 3 years since the last transfer means its time to head to DC again right???? Nope not this time Florida is where we'll be heading. Its not even Florida that's causing these emotions its the fact that my kids are 9 and 5 they have established strong friendships, are comfortable in school and love their teachers, they play on the sports teams with the same kids every season and now we are moving 600+ miles south. I've also got a very close group of friends that I can rely on for anything, they'll drop whatever is going on to help take care of kids, will run to the grocery store for meds if someone is sick and they're just good sounding boards when its time to complain/vent/share life. As I said before we've moved too many times but this time its just different. I know in Florida we'll meet new friends, get to know people and will be able to keep our current friendships going but I'm just sad about this move.

On the other hand I am excited, this move gives us a chance to explore a part of the country we've never been to. I am excited about starting fresh at a new base, getting into a new house and working to make it our home, starting a new job (maybe) and really looking forward to family togetherness. For the past 3 years my hubby has been on a ship which means he has been deployed or out to sea longer then he's been home with us. This new command is alot different - he'll be getting home as the kids get off the school bus in the afternoons and will have Fridays off, no weekend duty assignments and no more 24 hour watches. We have had so many dinners, weekends, months without him home that this will be a whole new adventure. The girls and I can not wait and honestly the family togetherness is something we need, crave and desire.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Simple Woman's Daybook

For today, Tuesday April 20, 2010

Outside my window… the sun is shining and the birds are chirping - I love spring.

I am thinking… about all of the things I need to do today, help youngest to clean the playroom, laundry, come up with a menu for the next 2 weeks and then a grocery list.

I am thankful for… my husband who works so hard to support our family.

From the kitchen… today there is nothing coming from the kitchen, we have a school function tonight and dinner is included.

I am wearing… a tshirt I earned for wogging (walking/jogging) a 5k in February and workout pants - hoping to take the little one on a bike ride.

I am creating… our plans for the family vacation we'll be taking at the end of May.

I am going… to be very busy around the house today, lots to do.

I am reading… a new cookbook - the Pionner Woman by Ree Drummond and thinking about all of the yummy foods I'd like to make.

I am hoping… we are able to enjoy the school function tonight, they are expecting alot of people and I don't like large crowds.

I am hearing… the washer/dryer going.

Around the house… things are fairly quiet, my oldest is at school and the youngest is cleaning up the playroom.

One of my favorite things… is in the evenings after the girls go to sleep I get a few hours to myself, I enjoy the quiet and peacefulness.

A few plans for the rest of the week.. we are all very excited that hubby is coming home to spend a long weekend with us - we have alot to do before the move so will be spending a day or two cleaning out bedrooms and trying to organize the house a bit.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing… its my youngest at the beach last year as we were headed down to find crabs that scurry around at night.